For a variety of reasons, the past few weeks of my life have been tough ones. Some big changes have taken place and I’m suddenly in a spot that has kind of taken me by surprise. One I knew was coming eventually but happened quite unexpectedly. It’s caused me to be a bit more reflective on where I’m at in this stage of my life. When you look at your age and realize that when you double it, you’re probably not going to be walking this planet, you start to see things a little differently. I’ve heard all the comments “A person could get hit by a truck tomorrow”, “you never know how long you have”, blah blah blah. But lets’ be honest. 25 sure sounds a lot more appealing than 55.
This season of my life can be summed up as restless. I’m restless for more purpose. I’m restless for what I’ve wasted. I’m restless for what could have been, what can be. There is a stirring in me, a voice that’s whispering, you’re running out of time. It’s now or never. There aren’t many productive years left. Now, before my husband thinks I’m going to run off to Hawaii with the milkman (for those of you who have never heard of a milkman – I hate you) I am fully aware that this whispering is just my own insecurities. But boy oh boy, it can sure be loud some times.
A song came on the radio recently that reminded me of my teen years – Beautiful Loser by Bob Seger. I used to love Bob Seger. The Night Moves album was the soundtrack of my high school years. (and for those of you reading this that don’t know what an album is, I hate you, too.) I have so many great memories attached to these songs. Growing up in Michigan, who didn’t think it was super cool that “Mainstreet” was written about Ann Arbor?
Sadly, I knew none of my high school albums survived. Although I might have been able to find an 8 Track. (I’m kidding, maybe.) So I jumped on iTunes and quickly downloaded Bob Seger’s greatest hits, popped in my earbuds and was soon getting lost in Hollywood Nights, We’ve Got Tonight and the classic, Turn the Page. As I soaked in the nostalgia, that tiny, insistent voice telling me I’m getting old and irrelevant began to quiet. As I made my way through Travelin’ Man and Beautiful Loser, that voice grew still. In its place were memories of conversations I had with friends about our futures, careers, boyfriends, where we would live. California, of course! When the last song played, I removed my earbuds and grinned. Although I wasn’t any younger, I felt a sense of peace I had not felt in a while. The power of music is a beautiful thing.
Roll, roll me away,
I’m gonna roll me away tonight
Gotta keep rollin, gotta keep ridin’,
keep searchin’ till I find what’s right
And as the sunset faded
I spoke to the faintest first starlight
And I said next time
We’ll get it right