Unsettled

My current season of life can be described as unsettled. And I don’t like it. Not one bit. I don’t like that my aging body is not cooperating with my ever-youthful mind. That there are pains where there shouldn’t be that linger longer than they used to. That unsettles me. I feel the weight of responsibility for people that I have very little control over and I feel unsettled. Recent decisions that I’ve made have me second guessing the direction of my life. This unsettles me. When I stop and think about how rapidly time is screaming past, my breath catches. And I feel unsettled. I wish I knew if I’m supposed to sit with this antsy, unbalanced feeling for a time. Is there a lesson to be learned in the waiting? A close friend of mine has recently learned the value in resting. Is that the answer? If so, that unsettles me.

What my heart seems to be yearning for is unsettling too. I yearn for a simpler life. A life of “less”. Not only a life with less material things but a life with less agendas, less platforms, less people striving for the spotlight. Less pressure, less time wasted on comparison, on scrolling through social media, on feeling like I’m missing out because I’m not doing something “huge” with my life. Less worries about “what ifs” or “if nots”. Less information, less input, less rush. How do I make that simpler life become a reality? I wish it were as easy as Nike says it is.  But I know myself. It isn’t.  And that’s unsettling.